(what follows is a recount of my time at the room party at room 530 at the drury
hotel in pittsburgh, PA on july 7th, 2024. i wrote it during a conversation at 
around 4AM with a 16-year-old alt-right repressor on soulseek in an attempt to 
explain to her my personal philosophy of human unity and compassion and
whatnot. names and exact places were anonymized in the account because of this.)

this was a couple months ago, back in july. it was a sunday, the last day of a
furry convention I went to. it was my first time at a furry convention or a
convention of any kind, and up to that point it had been a really good
experience for me. not even a year ago I was sheltered and anti-social. I barely
talked to anyone face to face and I had basically no irl friends. I felt
depressed and isolated and I was extremely weary of others.

through a series of happenstances and events both fortunate and unfortunate, i 
had been given the opportunity to go to this convention with someone I had met 
earlier in the year. she's a furry transgender woman, like I am. in the 
following months we had really hit it off and eventually fell in love. we 
started dating and she invited me to come along to this convention with some of 
her other friends and partners.

at this convention I met a lot of people, some I had never talked to before,
some I had only known online. it was a really special experience, taking these 
connections and meeting these people who like. got it? i guess? there's an 
inherent intersectionality between furry and queerdom that I don't really have 
the time or energy to get into, but generally speaking it was just nice to be 
somewhere where people were so open about themselves and how they expressed 
themselves and how they socialized and all that

i met some people I had considered idols and friends for many years. one of them
invited me to this room party on sunday where a couple of people were 
performing. I had to sneak into the hotel and get in with a group of people who 
had an elevator key to get to the floor where the room party was. so me and 
someone else who was going to the same party (which we didn't realize until 
later we met online before) make out way down the hallway, until we made it to 
the room.

there were a couple of people standing and sitting around outside of the door, 
one of them being someone who is very important in the furry music community 
and I had immediately recognized. it was a little surreal seeing him in person. 
he was someone I had only known of through his albums and live shows and 
interviews and to actually be in the same place as him when his work was so 
important to my development as a musician and frankly as a person was surreal.

before we all went into the room, he had us join hands in quiet prayer. i am
not a religious person. yet i still stood there in silence out of respect for 
him and what he believed in and what he had to say. the way his prayer went 
wasn't really praying to any particular deity or anything. he spoke of 
remembering that we're all friends here, and we're all together to enjoy each 
other's company, and for us to remember those that couldn't make it and those 
that we lost along the way.

and then we walked into the room. the hotel room was a suite with a living
room, a bathroom on the side, and a bedroom with one big bed. most of the
lights were off except for a red light bulb in the bedroom. there were people 
sitting around and talking before the music started. some i knew, some i
didn't. some were sitting on the floor, some were huddled together on the bed.
soon enough the music started. it was primarily acoustic sets. many of the 
songs played were dedicated to lost friends and family. many were dedicated to 
the times shared at the convention.

at the end, there was a collective improvisation part. people were encouraged
to join in, sing along, bang on whatever they had as some of the more trained 
and known musicians played around with guitars and effect pedals and synths and 
loopers. for about 7 minutes it was this organized mess as everyone joined in. 
no words were spoken, yet it was understood what the assignment was. personally 
I joined in by drumming on my water bottle. I eventually made my way to the
main circle in the middle where most the musicians were, and I was syncronizing 
my rhythms with this girl playing on a cajon. for just 7 minutes, there was
this feeling of unity, of everyone joining in and sharing these experiences and
emotions and rhythms and music together.

no words were spoken, yet it had felt like something greater than words could 
even communicate took place. and that's the closest thing i've had to a 
religious experience.

i am not driven by the words on a centuries old book. i am not guided by the 
sermons of any religious leader.

i am driven by human connection. i am guided by understanding others.

i know im not really getting through to you

(at this point the conversation changed topics.)